Hurry up and wait!

Saturday night at 11pm was the moment I had been waiting for since becoming listed some six years ago now. All the appointments, prescriptions, traveling to Doctors, days spent lying in bed or on the couch because that was as far as I could make it all flashed before my eyes and it suddenly all felt worth it as Mom and I scrambled about trying to think of all the things we may need the next couple of days. Add to this the need to find Alfie a temp home while we were gone all in the middle of the night. The caller said to be there by midnight, that the organ was on its way and by morning I could be recovering from surgery.  Arriving at the hospital we discovered that things were not moving quite that rapidly and that the transplant floor was completely full so they set us up in an examination office that had been converted into a makeshift spare room which was held at precisely 34 degrees to assumably kill off any viruses :) We nearly froze to death and mom found comfort in pushing two chairs together to try to use as a bed.
It was an incredibly long day that finally culminated in getting checked into a room at approx 4pm and within the hour I had been whisked down to the operating prep area and fitted with an IV waiting for the surgeon to arrive. Almost 17 hours had passed and Mom and I were both exhausted beyond belief from lack of sleep. Dr. Zimmerman whisked open the curtains and announced that he had seen the organ and it looked "fatty" to  him. He was running one more pathological test to be certain and...... unfortunately, his instincts were right and the liver could not be used. Although mentally prepared for this possibility I really could not believe that the drama of the last 17 hours or 6 years really, had suddenly come to an abrupt, unbelievable end in the last 30 seconds. I was at my wits end,tired, disappointed, and feeling that I could not go through it again. We left the hospital feeling numb and as if we had been in some weird time machine. Thank you so much for all the good thoughts and prayers that have lifted me up through the night. Woke up this morning to a beautiful sunny blue sky and  the strength to keep on fighting. Although now realizing it is not really a fight but more of a surrender to faith for things to work out as they should even though it isn't my way and I don't understand it.  Jeff